marneleigh.com

I judge a book by its cover.  After years of being warned not to, I find it the second best reason to know whether or not a book is worth reading.  First being friends or family recommending it.  Third would be having a teacher tell you to read it.  Fourth would be seeing it on the Daily Show or some other show where the author speaks.  Reasons three and four can easily be trumped by one, and often are negated by two.

Covers Waiting to be Judged

When judging a book by its cover, don’t stop with the front.  The back holds some valuable information as well.  On audacious days check that cute little flap on the inside for a change of pace.  The price listed in there has some immediate impact, sure sucks for those Canadians, but that is hardly a lasting deterrent.

After years of reading books I don’t understand the big fuss.  Judging a book by its cover (though often the back or inside) is where a description of a book comes into play.  Except for reasons one and four I don’t understand why one shouldn’t judge a book based on this merit.  There are even quotes from others, and while I understand the editing process that goes into these quote decisions and therefore skip over them, I’m sure that holds a little power of decision for some.

The cover art comes in handy too.  If I don’t trust this person’s judgment choosing a simple photo how can I trust the rest of what they’re about to try and make me consume.  The art is there in order for you to save your reading energy for the inside where there are 399 more pages words.

If the cover is bad and you still have an unexplainable urge to read the thing, buy it in hardcover and take off the dustcover whose existence makes no sense to anyone anyways.

A woman in England, who lost her arm in a car crash, was appalled to discover that her wedding ring was stolen off her severed limb after being brought to the hospital.  So all you lucky ladies out there, you could soon be showing off a ring to every single person you have ever meet that was stolen off of a severed arm.

According to a new poll, 78% of Americans do not trust the government.  But only 3% of those reading trust poll data having assumed that 87% of all poll numbers reported have been fabricated by the government.

An artist in Manhattan has spent the past two years trying to sketch all 8.3 million people in New York City and has about 10,000 drawings so far.  They’re all pretty abstract, but little Johnny’s parents couldn’t be more proud.

An artist in Manhattan has spent the past two years trying to sketch all 8.3 million people in New York City and has about 10,000 drawings so far.  You can get to 8,299,999 but good luck trying to draw me!

This Monday marks the fifth anniversary of Pope Benedict becoming the pontiff.  The Church threw a party with other five-year celebrations.  Like birthdays.

A woman in England who suffered a severe migraine headache suddenly found herself speaking with a Chinese accent despite never having been to China nor studying the language.  When questioned by reporters her shocked friends and colleges kept saying, “Raymond Shaw is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I’ve ever known in my life.”

A man in Michigan ate a burrito along with other snacks at a gas station food store having no money to pay.  He then called the police and had himself arrested hearing they provided a free bed and a new set of clothes.

Scientists reported last week that the remains of a 1.9 million tear-old human ancestor are so well preserved that they may contain a remnant of the male individual’s brain.    Further inspection showed that miraculously no brain decay had actually occurred.

A man in Tennessee was arrested for riding his hose while drunk into a crown of people at the Mule Day festivities.  If he’d been riding a mule like he was supposed to be, the festivities would have continued on unscathed.

Researchers said Wednesday that tests on monkey meat smuggled to New York from West Africa found that it was tainted with a virus similar to HIV.  So stop eating monkey meat!

The Library of Congress last Wednesday said it would archive every public tweet posted since Twitter started four years ago.  LOL!  OMG!  I’m typing on a keyboard right now!

Children who take breaks from class work to be physically active during the school day may do better on tests, according to a new study conducted by No My Kid is Not a Failure Who Cuts Class Moms United.  Or N.M.K.N.F.W.C.C.M.U

According to a new book called “Rough Justice: The Rise and Fall of Eliot Spitzer,” the former New York governor once went on a hooker binge, ordering three prostitutes for separate interludes on a single day.  If only he could have organized the state that diligently.

Since I don’t do standup and I don’t write for anyone, the little one line quips that get stuck bouncing around my head will be landing here for now:

A cat in Montana has been awarded the Purple Paw by the Great Falls Animal Foundation for saving lives by tapping its owner’s nose to alert her of a gas leak.  When the owners fled the house for safety the cat sat patiently and waited by its food bowl.

Lisa Murphy launched a pornographic magazine for the blind complete with explicit text and raised pictures of naked men and women legitimizing her work after finally finding a target market after failed launches of scratch and sniff pornographic magazines and flavored pornographic magazines.

In a sign that the economy is improving, it was reported this week that several Wall Street firms have started hiring again and are searching for “top talent” inspiring ABC’s new Who Wants to be A Wall Street Executive reality show where the losers walk away with millions of American tax dollars.

A company in Australia has started selling “fitwear;” high-tech underwear for men designed to trim their torso and offers improved blood flow.  The interest sparked tightie-whities to re-brand themselves as convenient birth control for men.

World Wresting Entertainment said Tuesday that starting this fall “Friday Night Smackdown” will be moved to the SyFy cable channel.  But it’s real.  The wrestling is all still 100% real.

TGIFriday’s is offering a Jack Daniel’s brand appetizer and two Jack Daniel’s brand meals for $20 and thinks it’s a great idea.  I’m thinking that spending $20 on a bottle of Jack that will last me at least a dinner, breakfast, lunch, and ANOTHER dinner and saving myself from having to sit in a TGIFriday’s sounds like a much better idea.

EZ-Up is a misleading name for these pop-up tents.

The premise of the movie Salt is not at all believable.  Angelina Jolie is way too recognizable to ever blend in as an undercover spy for any country.

If I were a Texas Rangers fan, I’d go to every game sporting a Chuck Norris t-shirt.

I was pretty much raised to be to be an Atheist; so I grew up being taken to Catholic church.

Movie theatre popcorn is like a fine wine; aging to perfection with time.  I don’t even look forward to going to the movies until two days afterwards.

Between 1970 and 1985 Playboy printed copies of its famous publication in Braille but without any enhancement for the images in the magazine.  Meaning that for 15 years, and 15 years only, there were men actually buying playboy for the articles.

Happy 80^th Birthday Twinkie, ya old bag!

Little known fact: Hostess produced all Twinkies 80 years ago in a giant risk-taking startup maneuver.  Marketing showed that people would not be able to resist a golden snack cake with a cream filling, so long as it was made with no natural ingredients.  And they were right.

Today all Twinkie’s celebrate an 80^th.  The one President Clinton put in that time capsule.  Boxes just now leaving the factory for the first time.  Even the ones you ate when you were 7 are stuck in, and celebrating in, your stomach.  So dust off that box still stuck in the back of your dusty cupboard, stick a candle in it, and celebrate.

Getting up, and waking up my parents, at 6am to watch Garfield and Friends was not early at all.  My parents saw it a little different.  But to me, it was a necessary way to start each day.

In high school, having my first class start at 7.20am was painful.  Rushing on the freeway with a bunch of other students and workers who also refused to get out of bed when their alarms first went off was obnoxious.  By senior year I’d discovered a way to hit the snooze button one more time and not earn myself a detention.  Negotiation.  That’s right a high school senior successfully negotiated not having to arrive for class until 7:30am.  The 10 minutes were much appreciated.

These days I beat the sun up, even on the weekends.  Having a 4:42am call is crazy early to have to be at work.  Having a 5:12am call is early.  Not having to stand out in the dark and cold until 5:42am is considered sleeping in.  Having a 6am call is cause for celebration and an extra round the night before.

Early is a relative term.  Some day it’ll mean 10am.  I’ll get up and creak down the stairs for coffee just in time to watch The Price is Right (reruns with Bob Barker, of course) and yell at the television set.

Even when I do find time to get some sleep I seldom become rested.  I’m more productive, or at least active, in my dreams than in reality.

This past week a dream started out in a helicopter piloted by Jay Leno with myself and a coworker of mine on board.  We were filming this dude bungee jumping out.  Turns out the bungee jumping dude was a bad guy and this was a setup for ratings.  Go figure.  Apparently in my mind this is the new direction of the Tonight Show.

The dream concluded racing begrudgingly through corridors with some sort of modern day stealth scuba-diving ninja person (yes, they were relevant and made sense earlier in the dream).  We ran up a ramp towards daylight and through a trap door where we’re greeted by 50,000 roaring Romans.  We were standing out of breath and beaten down in the ring of the Coliseum.  While they were all cheering and happy about our conquests, a tiger was released along with a gladiator.  We didn’t want to stick around.

The chanting crowd turned into my foghorn alarm clock.  I woke up.  No blood, no bruises, everything was okay except that I felt exhausted and my day was just beginning.  I smirked and rolled myself towards the shower.

Even after working (volunteering? They fed me…) for the Milwaukee Admirals back in high school I’d still never learned the awesome that is hockey.  That is, besides the universal joy of hockey fights.  It wasn’t until floor managing college games that I learned rules and penalties of the sport.  The game is now just as fun between the fights.

I have watched plenty of good hockey, the Admirals are a feeder team that often dominated the minor leagues and both women and men won national titles while I was at school.   But until this weekend I’d never attended an NHL team.  So the Kings game it was. It is a very purple team, which I never thought I’d have to again embrace after graduation.  Suck is life.  My first time at the Staples Center and I 1). found great parking, and 2). Got to walk on the ice and check out the zamboni West Coast Chopper flair.

Besides the sever lack of cheers, songs, standing, and dancing (what sports are all about) it was a good time.   I think that is more of an issue of having “old people” at the game; it was nice to sit down for a change.

Living in Los Angeles I should probably have at least one west coast team, and the Kings will easily fit the mold.  Rumor has it the Kings don’t suck, making it look like the Kings will be my team.

Go Kings.  I’ll take my t-shirt in black.

Photoshop is an interesting program. Just for fun I’ve been playing around with it.  Skipping over the graphic design and animation classes in school means I’m behind most people in skill.

Limited hours spent staring at the pixels and my eyes are already going cross.  It is becoming clear why all computer geeks sport glasses.  Or maybe it’s that they previously had glasses and that is drawing them into computer based majors.  Chicken or the egg?

Their bespectacled selves may be way more proficient in making Photoshop do what Photoshop was designed to do.  But when I get distracted or screw up an image I make a really good zombie-devil scene with some asteroid action.  Michael Bay inspires me.

*A sample of the awesomeness that is failed Photoshop drawings will be provided as soon as the world is ready to see them.