Posts Tagged ‘Travel’
Times When Sarcasm Has Proven to be Less then Appreciated (Part III)
Sunday, August 9th, 2009
PART THREE: AIRPORT SECURITY CHECKS
Airport security guards take their job seriously. I am not saying their jobs aren’t serious, I’m just pointing out that they do take their jobs very seriously. And they have guns instead of tasers. This never has stopped me from being me.
Long before 2001 my stuff and I have been searched regularly by airport security. Taking golf clubs to Arizona? Terrorist sticks. Only taking a backpack, and you’re taking it as a carryon? Terrori… Security does put forth a valiant effort of checking bags, but seem to be dumbfounded by the straps on backpacking packs. They gave up. One-way ticket to Russia? Terrorist to another country, still going to dig through everything you’ve got, we’ll try not to break your framing.
Being checked so regularly means that I am quite comfortable with airport security, and forget that they can take me into far away rooms to do whatever they’d do to me. My plans to sleep through an early flight out of NYC meant I was pre-coffee on no sleep with the sun rising. My bags were opened and checked at security, fine. Turning on every one of my electronic devices that I was carrying on board, whatever. Refusing to take a photo with me when you checked that my camera was indeed a camera, lame.
When I asked for the photo I should have assumed they’d check me further. I know the whole spiel, and practiced while waiting for a female guard to come touch my back and stomach (riskay!). I’d put most of my other stuff back on, which I’m pretty sure is against regulation. My belt set off her wand, and instead of revealing the buckle under my oversized hoodie I mentioned in my sleep deprived state that I’d forgotten my doctor’s certificate for my iron lung. Now I truly forgot I had a belt on, and she seemed to be as zoned as I was. I was trying to brighten her morning with something amusing while I remembered that I had a belt on. I did go on to remember I had my belt back on, but during that time she became highly alerted and jumped into a string of thoughts on what steps needed to be taken about my iron lung. Talking to some guys, needing clearance, and some other stuff that I stopped listening to because I was more worried about the snickering guy behind me blowing my cover meaning I would actually have some serious issues to deal with.
It was supposed to make her laugh after starting work at the crack of dawn; instead it freaked everyone out. I “remembered” my belt and assured her that if the iron lung didn’t set off the metal detector that I would be fine for the flight. I didn’t really realize what I potentially had done until a couple people came up to me laughing about it at the gate. I made my flight and was asleep before takeoff.
Tags: Blog, Bored, NYC, Travel
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